As I wrote in my previous post, my father passed away.

Then, several months later, my aunt died about weeks ago.

There is even more.

My family’s pet, a cat, died also.

I encountered many death this year…



He never comes back…

My father passed away several weeks ago.

He will never come back.

But you know what?

Someday I will die too.

(Feb. 19th, 2017)

We cannot live forever…

It just happened suddenly.
First, my mother was down for a cerebral infarction; then, my father was down for a cerebral hemorrhage.

It seems like this occurred a few years ago, but this is the story comes from several months ago.

Ordinary days have gone. It has completely changed everything.
Day-to-day of elderly care have followed every day.



(Oct. 9th, 2016)

I will never regret…

Lately, there has been a space between some people in the US and me.

This fact had almost destroyed every single reason why I was in the US.

But, I remember how much wonderful time I spend in the US,

and that how much I have learned from the world of English.

Furthermore, how much the lyrics of English songs cheered me up…

I will never regret that I was in the US and things I’ve leaned in the US.

I hope these sentences give me guts to go on…

(Feb. 27th, 2016)

Panic Disorder – its good & bad

There has been at least one good thing happening in my life since I got my first panic disorder attack. I cannot drink alcohol any more.

If I drink, it makes me terribly sick: I vigorously vomit and suffer from miserable diarrhoea. So, the panic disorder has changed my life habit. I mean, my life style has become positively healthier than before.

However, there are some panic disorder patients who can offset against its symptoms by alcohol intake.

It may be a good deal. If he/she has a panic disorder attack, he/she just drinks beer. And, he/she’ll be alright! He/She doesn’t need to go to see a doctor, and he/she doesn’t need to pay extra fee for medication.

But, those people have a risk to become alcoholics.

On the other hand, there has been at least one bad thing happening in my life since I got my first panic disorder attack. I cannot drink coffee any more.

Caffeine worsens its symptoms.

It’s a torture that I cannot drink a cup of coffee with pleasant aroma in breakfast.


(Apr. 12th, 2010)

Panic Disorder

Four years & a few months have past since I left Tokyo to trip around Japan.

Once, I have almost lost myself in distilled liquor (Shou-chuu) in Kagoshima prefecture.

Once, I have broken my heel in Okayama prefecture.

Once, I have suffered from Basedow’s disease in everywhere.

And, now, I have fallen into panic disorder in Nagano prefecture.

Oh, God, where am I going with this broken mind at the age of forty-three…

Have a good day although I have a day of hell!!!


(Aug. 19th, 2009)

Basedow’s Disease

My body is screaming.

I’m suffering from Basedow’s disease.

If it certainly is the Basedow’s disease, no matter how the thyroid gland swells up, it is not hard to swallow food.

But, occasionally, it is hard for me to swallow food.

If it is hard, you should suspect that you suffer from thyroid carcinoma.

So, possibly I have thyroid carcinoma.

But, it doesn’t matter which one of two suffers me.

No matter which one is the one, I just try to know how to get along well with it.

These days, I feel something that I have never felt before – “I have no confidence at all in me. ”

It may be not only because of the Basedow’s disease, but also because of the menopausal disorders!? (though I’m male…)

Some people may say, “Why don’t you go to see a doctor?”

Yes, but I do not want to rely in medicine when it comes to the hormone balance that changes with your age.

The hormone influences your feelings. So,if I took medicine to set up good hormone balance, it would change my feelings as well. Then, I do not know if it would be my real feelings or something else.

I don’t like that.

Also, I want to pay attention to my body; then, I take good care of my physical condition.

I want it that way.

Whatever, this whole God damn thing is what is called, “Getting older.”

I remember the song “Desperado” of Eagles.

“Desperado, oh, you ain’t gettin’ no younger

Your pain and your hunger, they’re drivin’ you home… ”

I’ve started this blog because I became older.

I cannot be a reckless man anymore.

Have a good day!!!

(Apr. 9th, 2009)